queenlyzard

New header entry to my journal:

These are my communities-- I will shamelessly plug for them at any opportunity:

0)  I have a new community!!! bookaddiction is a place for people who are serious readers.  My idea is that I'll pose interesting topics for discussion that can only be answered by people who have done a lot of reading.  None of this "what's your favorite book" nonsense that you see at other book blogs.

1) jewishbyculture -  a place for those of us who consider ourselves Jewish despite not following the religion.  Anyone interested in Jewish culture (or even just Woody Allen movies) is welcome.

2) thelexicon - co-moderated with sentinel1966, this is a place for those who love words to come and share their favorites.  Our intention is to make a master list (or "Lexicon") of the coolest words of all time.  Post your recommendations, and tell us why you love them!

3) transtemptanon - I'm not actually a mod here, but I was involved in creating this community, and I feel very motherly towards it.  This is a support group for people who have given up various religious or superstitious beliefs... but sometimes find themselves missing them, or tempted back to old ways of thinking.  Here, we gently help each other remember to see the world clearly and scientifically.

4) macgyver101 - my newest invention, a place to post about all those things you have made (or would like to!) out of spare bits and pieces, creative solutions to practical problems, and other instances of "MacGyverism" (look it up in wikipedia).

I just realized I ate dessert tonight but not dinner. Where did the hours go? Damn you, LJ, stop eating my time!!!!!

**** 1174) "The Boy Who Was Raised As a Dog: And other stories from a child psychiatrist's notebook: what traumatized children can teach us about love, loss, and healing" by Bruce Perry

Not an easy book to read, but it ought to be required for anyone who works with children, people, and trauma/abuse victims of any kind. The carefully-analyzed case studies in this book are fascinating, insightful, and not overly hyped or simplified. Beyond that, I'll let it speak for itself. Favorite quotes in bold.

"I do not believe in 'the abuse excuse' for violent or hurtful behavior, but I have found that there are complex interactions beginning in early childhood that affect our ability to envision choices and that may later limit our ability to make the best decisions."

"Biology isn't just genes playing out some unalterable script. It is sensitive to the world around it..."

"...the stress-response systems are among only a handful of neural systems in the brain that, if poorly regulated or abnormal, can cause dysfunction in all four of the main brain areas..."

"It's important to understand that our default is set at suspicion, not acceptance." (regarding any kind of new stimuli)

"While not all ADD, hyperactivity and oppositional-defiant disorder are trauma-related, it is likely that the symptoms that lead to these diagnoses are trauma-related more often than anyone has begun to suspect."

"Our bodies and especially our brains are built to magnify practically imperceptible initial incongruities into massively differentiated results."

"Fortunately, the virtuous cycle is every bit as cascading and self-amplifying as the vicious cycle."  (eg, praise at the right moment can spark interest, resulting in modest potential flowering to fullest extent.)

"The key to healthy development is getting the right experiences in the right amounts at the right time."

"If you're planning for consequences, in some sense, you are empathizing with your 'future self.' " (Empathy relates to impulse-control)

"Humans are social animals, highly susceptible to emotional contagion. Training, logic and intelligence are often no match for the power of group-think."

"...'trained intuition' is a large part of what distinguishes experts from amateurs in most fields. We don't always consciously what what it is that doesn't fit, but somewhere our brain recognizes that part of the puzzle is missing, and it sends up a signal that something's askew. (This 'gut feeling' is actually a low-level activation of the stress response system, which is acutely attuned to combinations of incoming signals that are out of context or novel.)"

"What maltreated and traumatized children most need is a healthy community to buffer the pain, distress and loss caused by their earlier trauma. What works to heal them is anything that increases the number and quality of a child's relationships. What helps is consistent, patient, repetitive loving care. And, I should add, what doesn't work is well-intended but poorly trained mental health 'professional' rushing in after a traumatic event, or coercing children to 'open up' or 'get out their anger.' "

"As technology has advanced, we have gotten farther and farther away from the environment for which evolution shaped us. The world we live in now is biologically disprespectful; it does not take into account many of our most basic human needs... For years mental health professionals taught people that they could be psychologically healthy without social support, that 'unless you love yourself, no one else will love you'... The truth is, you cannot love yourself unless you have been loved and are loved. The capacity to love cannot be built in isolation."

Thank you all so much for letting me vent and helping me clarify my feelings. Particular extra thanks to all of you who pointed out that there may not be a "right" and "wrong" here, that I can be angry that my friend was hurt without disliking my professor, and that yes, it is a complicated issue.

I think that now I can be supportive of my friend without "taking sides," and that I can keep attending the class without letting my anger at the situation get in the way.

Today, I went to the class, and enjoyed it.

Today, my friend went to the Dean's office and lodged a formal complaint.

I am happy about both of these things.

I won't worry about them colliding until I have to.

...even though I did kinda enjoy the Twilight books as nice light reading. The movie looks appalling, though.

I've seen this in a couple places, and it's just done brilliantly. Enjoy: Buffy vs. Edward

{1170-73}

I've been so busy reading every spare moment I never have time to write reviews anymore!

Oh hey, I think I'll start a new rating system too, since I'm getting more readers: books will be given 0-4 stars (*), instead of the previous 0-2.


Have some nonfiction.


*** 1170) "A Small Place" by Jamaica Kincaid

A wonderful (small) book in which Kincaid muses about her home island of Antigua, in her vivid, acerbic, insightful way. Funny and sad and wistful and angry all at once.


**** 1171) "A Primate's Memoir" by Robert Sapolsky

July's book club book. With Jewish humor and unflagging optimism, Sapolsky tells tales of his years in Africa studying baboons. Part science journal and larger part memoir/travelogue, this book is a joy to read despite the many frightful facts and events it covers. Through his stories, Sapolsky reminds us subtly that we, like his baboons, are strange primates whose behavior is often hard to comprehend.


*** 1172) "Alex and Me" by Irene Pepperberg

A sweet memoir about the bird who changed the world-- or at least made people think twice about the term "birdbrain." Alex was an African Grey parrot and Irene was his trainer and advocate. The book doesn't focus so much on their work as on the deep personal relationship the two formed over the years.

A caveat: I passed the book along to my roommate, who is a professional scientist, and she pretty much hated it. So-- not to be read from a scientifically critical standpoint (I don't think Pepperberg talked enough about her studies to judge them, but apparently a lot of her personal decisions-- turning down a teaching post and then complaining that she didn't have the funding to do her research, for examples-- are major faux-pas in the world of professional science. My roommate branded her a "kook"-- but I still have to recommend the book, if only as an animal lover's personal odyssey).


** 1173) "My Lobotomy" by Howard Dully

The story of Dully, a man who, at age 12, was given an "ice-pick lobotomy" at the request of a stepmother who found his behavior unmanageable. It is unclear from Dully's description of himself as a child whether he may have had ADHD or something similar-- honestly, he struck me as a normal, if somewhat rambunctious and mischievous, boy.

What is so strange to me is how little the lobotomy seems to have changed Dully, at least according to his own descriptions. He seems to have given up on himself as hopeless at that point and went through many years of delinquency, alcohol dependence, and assorted self-destructive behaviors-- but no more so than anyone who grew up in a broken and distant family. I think, oddly enough, that the psychological effect of what was done to him may have been worse than the physical effect on his brain-- although his life-long history of poor choices and impulsive behavior is certainly consistent with frontal lobe damage.

This is an interesting memoir, strange and disturbing at times, and often disturbing in its tone of normalcy and banality. Perhaps some of the flatness of the descriptions is, in fact, due to the lobotomy... and perhaps not. It's hard to tell. As someone with an interest in brain science, I found this very frustrating to read because it is truly a memoir, not a case study, and leaves a lot of questions unanswered.

After long years of researching his own history, and some heavy soul-searching, Dully at last is content in his life, and has realized that, in some ways, he is both better and worse off than others-- as are we all.

"That's true for everybody, I guess. We are all the victims of what is done to us. We can either use that as an excuse for failure, knowing that if we fail it isn't really our fault, or we can say 'I want something better than that, I deserve something better than that, and I'm going to try to make myself a life worth living.' " Amen!

I love my job and am awesome at it. There are moments that make me tear my hair out ("Can you find a CD by this singer from Columbia? He wears a hat..." "fiction means it's true, right?"), but also moments that just make me happy.

I helped a little girl find a chapter book last week. She had to choose one for summer reading, and her parents were pressuring her to pick something-- she looked like she was at the point where she just wanted to go home and never see another book again... so I sat down and talked with her for a few minutes about other things, and found out that she liked dogs, and sent her home with a "Puppy Place" book. Her parents were very grateful that I'd managed to get her excited about one. Sometimes it takes a light touch.

Yesterday afternoon, I got to sit with two adorable little girls (maybe ages 3 and 2) and read them Dr. Seuss books. The younger one picked out "The Sleep Book"-- and we were all yawning by the end!

And I'm getting to be a better sales-person too. Normally, I hate pushing merchandise on people but 1) it's books and 2) the company I work for (I won't name names) is having a rough time of it in these financially thin days...and I really really hope it stays afloat. So if that means talking people into buying a book I've never read... yeah, I'll do it. Plus, we do a lot of donation drives, where people buy stuff and we donate it to a charitable organization-- which I think is a nice idea. And I'm good at talking people into making donations!

And then, of course, I go and buy a great big stack of books (and chocolate! and a puzzle!) off our clearance table... I'm such an addict.

Worth watching.

NOT safe for work or children.

Blame karnythia 

The Plight of Clownana

Stuff I actually said out loud at work yesterday: "The letter J. Justice League is brought to you by the letter J and by the number green.... See! See what working here does to my brain!!"


So, the Sleep Schedule Operation is not going as planned. I was in bed before 11 last night... and couldn't fall asleep until after 2.

I had my snack, and my reading, and listened to my soothing CD... and tossed and turned... and sang the first quarter of RENT in my head to keep from thinking about all sorts of others thing... and tossed and turned.... and got up to use the bathroom and put on some lotion because it was hot and I was itchy, and turned off my alarm for the morning, and put the soothing CD on again... and tossed and turned... and finally drifted off.

And woke up at 11 AM after many strange and interesting dreams (ripped off in large part from books I've been reading, but oh well. I could still make a lot of money if I could bottle the darn things). And actually felt AWAKE for the first time in days. *grump*


It's amazing how I only notice depression when it lifts a bit. Apparently, I've been largely in a funk for quite some time now. I only realized this a few days ago when I suddenly snapped out of it and did a bit of job hunting and started seriously considering selling my crafts, instead of just sinking into hopelessness at the very idea. I'm still a long way from OK, but I think I'm doing a little better than I was.

If I'm lucky, I may get to see some fireworks tonight when I get off work! And get to sleep afterward.

We watched "Gran Torino" last night. It's an awesome movie, although it should be rated NC17 for thematic content. dreams_cametrue , the DVD extras made me think of you-- it's all stuff about classic cars and the guys who love them. And of course, the movie made me think of the_pretend_me  as well-- for obvious reasons!

So-- Operation Reset My Sleep Schedule is well under way. I've been setting my alarm for 6:45 and managing to be fully awake by 8:30, which is actually not bad for me. I figure by Monday, when I actually have to get up at 6:45 for court, I'll be able to do so.

I still hate mornings.

Although, we are getting into Second Summer (the hot season) here, and mornings are the coolest time of day.

Still, somehow, having 3 hours of free time in the morning doesn't seem to be the same, somehow, as having 3 hours free time before bed. I wonder why that is?

Really, a girl shouldn't require 12 hours of sleep a night. But I have to admit it did feel nice (bizarre and nostalgic dreams aside). And the muscle pains have faded to a background murmur this week, thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

I finally got accepted for medical insurance!

...Which means I need to go do some job-hunting and get a second part-time position so I can afford it. Either that, or I have to start selling my arts and crafts on eBay. Which isn't a bad idea, really. Actually, I should try that, huh?

Did I mention that I love the class I'm taking this semester?

OK, I'm done rambling now. Off to stalk the wild and elusive part-time job.

{1166-69}

So, I missed a few... and have read more since last entry.

** 1166 ) "Podkayne of Mars" by Robert Heinlein

Ok, I officially take back everything bad I ever said about sci-fi. I love the stuff. It just has to be character-driven for me to get into it. Granted, this one isn't heavy on the science, which may have been part of why I liked it-- it's a good story that just happens to take place in the far future with a young woman from Mars as the main character. It's very interesting to see how a female character (not to mention the future itself) was written about half a century ago. In some ways, Poddy should be considered a very anachronistic-- if not downright old-fashioned-- woman. In other ways, despite the outdated gender standards and ideas, she's a very strong and self-determined character, and it's hard to see where she gets any raw deals.


* 1167) "The Stepford Wives" by Ira Levin

Having seen and liked both versions of the movie (for very different reasons, of course), I figured I should give the book a try. It was quite fun-- almost more of a novela than a novel. And much more heavily feminist than I'd realized. Creepy, too-- much more like the first movie than the second.


** 1168) "Stardoc" by S. L. Viehl

I actually picked this one up out of curiosity because padparadscha is writing something a bit along these lines and I was curious to see what a similar, published work would look like. This one turned out to be an exciting sf drama featuring a brilliant doctor working a crappy job at the far end of space in order to escape the secrets of her past... slight shades of "Firefly" here. It was a good and compelling story with highly engaging characters... but padparadscha and her many fans will be happy to know that it was no "Doctors!... In!... Space!..." While some of the alien species are quite fascinating, the author spends very little time making them medically or anthropologically plausible.  Still, good story.


** 1169) "Kushiel's Dart" by Jacqueline Carey

So I've finally gotten around to reading this book after years of dithering and griping that it was too long. Yeah, it was good. A bit too much religious back-story and political intrigue for me, occasional off-putting usage of archaic language... and yet. It was lyrical and mesmerizing and truly remarkable in that it was a long book about a woman who is essentially a courtesan, but it is not an erotic novel. It's just a long, complicated, and very good story. I really must pick up the next one soon.

Favorite line:  "There is no situation so dire that a hot bath cannot improve one's outlook"

{1163-1165}

1163) "Deal Breaker" by Harlan Coben

You know, I'm so used to reading series' in order that I've forgotten you don't always have to. Particularly with mysteries, I'm starting to wonder if maybe it isn't always best to start with the author's first book, because those tend to be a bit rough around the edges. We'll see if I can overcome my OC tendencies in that respect-- I've accidentally read books out of order before and liked them just fine, but I never can bring myself to do it on purpose.

So, apart from being a touch rough around the edges, this was a good mystery. A bit too much about sports for me personally, but other than that, I have no complaints.


1164) "Rest in Pieces" by Rita Mae and Sneaky Pie Brown

Another mystery in a cute and charming setting-- but somehow, I don't think mystery will ever be my "brain candy" genre. For some reason, I find reading about murders a little too creepy unless there's some good supernatural stuff thrown in to set my brain in "non-reality" mode. Still, her characters are a lot of fun, if sometimes a bit too southern for my finicky taste.


** 1165) "Up Country" by Nelson Demille

I read this one on recommendation of a customer, and I have to admit it was pretty damn good. It was longer than what I usually read, and more male-chauvinistic by a lot, and entirely too much about war... but I didn't mind any of that because it was an incredibly gripping and well-written book. The main character is a Vietnam veteran, and as far as he's concerned, he's also retired. But then the army approaches him with an offer he can't refuse-- to go back to 'Nam in search of some "important articles" from the war. Something even he isn't allowed to know about. So begins a vivid story of travel and intrigue and soul-searching as well as the more physical kind.

The only thing that really bugged me was the ending, which I found far too open-ended and unsatisfactory. I don't think it's any spoiler to tell you that he eventually uncovers a secret which should, quite frankly, put his life in grave danger-- but as I see it, that threat is never really properly addressed. And yes, the ending is a big deal, but when you can read several hundred pages and be unable to complain about any except the last two, you still have to call it a damn good book. Even if, like me, you're not much for either mysteries or war stories. Got a few good lines out of it, too.

"Nostalgia is basically the ability to forget the things that sucked." 225

"You can fake a lot of things in life-- women fake orgasms, and men fake whole relationships" 246

So, I got through work just fine-- and without too much pain, thanks to my trusty pseudophed.

It occurs to me that my recent bouts of insomnia may just have something to do with the fact that I've been working closing shifts from time to time-- which gets me home just before midnight. Not really conducive to my normal sleep schedule.

Mustn't sleep in too late tomorrow morning, though-- booksale at the library! (Oh dear oh dear... as if I weren't behind enough on my list of books to read!!)

Go take this quiz! It's for a good cause.

If you, like me, suck at doing things like paying attention to the actual news, here is a concise and moving summary of what's been going on in Iran lately. (Thanks to talkingapple for the link). Pass it along.

EDIT: More excellent footage here:
thanks to matrexius 

Follow-up info plus How You Can help at this entry.

Pass the word.

If there is one person (or more) on your friends list who makes your world a better place just because they exist, and who you would not have met without the Internet, post this sentence in your journal.

[meme nabbed from flutterbychild ]

I <3 LJ

{1156-62}
(The last two books listed here are the good ones)


1156) "The Other End of Time" by Frederick Pohl, whose name I invariably mix up with Poul Anderson's.

It was... interesting. I'm coming to realize that I'm not as much of a hard sci-fi fan as I thought. Still, this was a fascinating adventure, nicely mysterious, and with some good unique ideas about the future.


1157) "Sun of Suns" by Karl Schroeder

I found this one a bit of a slog. It drops you into a science fiction world without explaining much, and takes too long to get around to those explanations-- in the meantime, you're left reading a lot of jargon. The world itself is a fascinating one, an intriguing variation on the Dyson Sphere concept, but I often found details implausible to say the least. Oh right, and the plot, once you can find it under all the world-description, was pretty good. I bet the sequel is a lot better, since you'd have all the background information you need to understand the world. But I doubt I'll pick it up. Still, Larry Niven gave it a good review, so who am I to complain?


1158) "The Caterpillar's Question" by Piers Anthony and Philip Jose Farmer

This one had the same Men's Adventure feeling to it that I found in Farmer's other book. Lots of swagger and bluster and protecting of the lady (who turns out to be from another dimension and a major part of the plot, but anyway...). Good solid storyline, strange aliens, epic battles, man outsmarting robot, etc etc. Fun book, really. Couple of good one-liners, too.

"Empathy might not be the same thing as conscience, but the effects could be similar." 153

"The unconscious was a tricky and unpredictable bastard." 34


1159) "The Becoming" by Jeanne Stern Stein. (LOL on the edit-- I accidentally substituted the name of an old friend for the author)

Somewhat of a standard modern-vampire-mystery novel. A woman who has no idea that vampires exist is attacked by one on the job and finds herself suddenly adjusting to a new way of life-- and a lot of dangerous intrigue. Kudos for being heavier on the mystery than the romance, and for keeping the mysteries coming hard and fast. Good pacing and action, but the writing style is nothing special. Good book to take on a plane ride.


** 1160) "Turn Coat" by Jim Butcher

Umpeenth book in the Dresden Files, and I still love them to death, in spite of having forgotten who half the characters are since I read the last one. Still, he's good enough to recap the important points for the reader, and after that, it's hard to put the darn thing down. I really ought to reread the whole set sometime.


** 1161) "Odalisque" by Fiona McIntosh

OMG I want the sequel to this book!! Which, sadly enough, none of the local libraries or bookstores carry! I hate how quickly things go out of print in the genre fictions.

This is among the better-written fantasy novels I've read in a long time. Set in a world that seems to be loosely based on the Persian empire, it would be a completely believable story in many ways but for the fact that the gods of this world are quite obviously real-- and preparing for a showdown. The plot follows a set of palace characters-- a scheming wife, a young ruler, an honorable captain of the guard, a new harem girl, and a few others-- as they are drawn into a supernatural plot where none of them can see the larger picture that is emerging.

It's neat, because so many aspects of this story are, honestly, predicatable or cliched, and yet it is so well written, the characters so compelling, the descriptions so vivid, that it all feels new all over again.


** 1162) "Passage" by Connie Willis

Willis has this extraordinary ability to write sci-fi that skirts on the edge of actual science. I'm tempted to write to her and ask what research she read that led her to this book.

This is a novel about near-death experiences. A skeptical young scientist is trying to conduct solid research, while dodging the supernaturalists who keep trying to suck her into their circle... and steal her research subjects. She teams up with a neurologist who has discovered a drug that similates near-death experiences in the brain, and gets to experience one for herself. And finds something disquietingly familiar about it. As she becomes increasingly more obsessed with them, her work becomes more and more dangerously personal-- it turns out that death is one thing it's hard to study objectively. (And no, it isn't a bit like "Flatliners").

This is one of those books that you simply cannot put down. I'm not sure whether I should recommend it-- I held my breath for most of the second half of the thing, and I'm pretty sure that's not healthy.

So, there's this website that has been eating ALL My Spare Time lately. If you have ever worked in retail or customer service of any kind, you need to check out "notalwaysright.com". But consider yourself warned-- you will waste HOURS here, being alternately convinced that humanity  as a whole is beyond hope of any kind, and that occasional people are made of awesome.

(Thank you dreams_cametrue for the hours of hilarity and hair-tearing)

the photos from my trip out West... er... east of here, that is, but in the Southwest.... Anyways, photos are up on Fotki. Since I took a gazillion and ten of them, I've been nice enough to sort out the best of NM and best of AZ for your viewing pleasure. Can't promise they're all actually good, and some still need a bit of photoshopping before I'd print them, but still, these are the best ones.

Please set aside 10 minutes at some point to watch this video and pass it along or repost it. In this clip, an online friend of mine tells her personal story of domestic abuse and daring escape, and urges other women in danger to follow her example. Please honor her courage by helping to share her story with others who need it. And hope that some day, such messages will not be needed at all.

*** 1154) "On Being Certain: Believing You Are Right Even When You're Not" by Robert Burton

This was downright brilliant-- or if not brilliant, at least Very Important. I cannot recommend it highly enough. The book explains, on a biological level, why we think the way we think-- and, most importantly, why we're /sure/ we're right. Mind-opening when it comes to the science of belief, and indispensable for anyone who wants to go into any psychology, sociology, or cognitive fields... or just wants to understand a little bit more about People. I will now let the book speak for itself.

[NB: I tend to put all quotes in italics for easy identification. words emphasized in the original text are enclosed within /backslashes/. Bold is my own emphasis]

"It is through extreme examples of brain malfunction that neurologists painstakingly explore how the brain works under normal circumstances."

"Despite how certainty feels, it is neither a conscious choice nor even a thought process. Certainty and similar states of 'knowing what we know' arise out of involuntary brain mechanism that, like love or anger, function independently of reason." ** This was basically the entire premise of the book.

"My goal is to strip away the power of certainty by exposing its involuntary neurological roots. If science can same us into questioning the nature of conviction, we might develop some degree of tolerance and an increased willingness to consider alternative ideas" Yes, that!

"I cannot help wondering if an educational system that promotes black or white and yes or no answers might be affecting how [neurological] reward systems develop in our youth. If the fundamental thrust of education is 'being correct' rather than acquiring a thoughtful awareness of ambiguities, inconsistencies, and underlying paradoxes, it is easy to see how the brain reward systems might be molded to prefer certainty over open-mindedness." Oh, yeah, it's kinda obvious now that you mention it. No wonder America's youth are doing so poorly.

"The /feeling of knowing/, the reward for both proven and unproven thoughts, is learning's best friend, and mental flexibility's worst enemy."

"Any concept of free will assumes that we possess a portion of mind that can rise above the biological processes that generated it." Well, that's a bit of a mind-fuck.

"We have no mechanism for establishing the accuracy of a line of reasoning until it has produced a testable idea."

"All thoughts-- the trivial, the brilliant, the mundane, the profound, the catastrophic, and truly dangerous-- percolate up from the unconscious (the hidden layer). The issue isn't whether or not unconscious thoughts can be of great value, but in sorting out those that are from those that aren't."

" 'Objectivity cannot be equated with mental blankness; rather, objectivity resides in recognizing your preferences and then subjecting them to especially harsh scrutiny.' " - S. J. Gould

"Our mental limitations prevent us from accepting our mental limitations." Yup!!

"...it is impossible to overlook the shared qualities of the /feeling of knowing/, a /sense of faith/, and feelings of /purpose/ and /meaning/."

"...the sense of purpose... carefully weighs all inputs, positively weighting those ideas that /feel right/ while negatively weighting those that fell /wrong, strange/, or/unreal/. The best that a rational argument can accomplish is to add one more input to this cognitive stew. If it resonates deeply enough, change of opinion might occur. But this is a low probability uphill battle; the best of arguments is only one pitted against a lifetime of acquired experience and biological tendencies operating outside of conscious control. To expect well-reasoned arguments to easily alter personal expressions of purpose is to misunderstand the biology of belief." And that, my friends, in a nutshell, is why it's so hard to change people's minds.

"The belief that we can rationally determine the difference between purpose and pointlessness arises out of a misunderstanding of the nature of purpose."

"If science is to carry on a meaningful dialog with religion, it must work to establish a level playing field where both sides honestly address what we can and cannot know about ourselves and the world around us... And we must factor in that irrational beliefs can have real adaptive benefits-- from the placebo effect to a sense of hope. Insistence upon objectivity and reason should be seen within a larger picture of our biological needs and constraints."

I love cooking Indian food. Any recipe that starts with deep-frying cheese can't be half bad.

My brain apparently wanted to make it up to me for the zombie dream. Last night I dreamt about Orca whales. Teeny-tiny baby Orcas. Cute and cuddly and snuggly baby Orcas. Oh yeah, and fuzzy, too, like a plush toy. They were basically black-and-white sea-going puppies. It was beyond cute. My brain doesn't go in for subtle very much. Still, I wouldn't mind having that dream again.

Have you ever noticed that your tongue is kind of... bristly... right up close? Mine is. It's very strange.

Also, I'm very glad that foul odors are not actually dangerous to one's health. Otherwise I'd accidentally kill myself in my sleep with farting.

And last night, after many hours of insomnia, I finally fell asleep and dreamed that I was trapped in a movie (possibly-- or perhaps it was "real") of "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies." Which I haven't read. All I know is that it involved upper-class Victorian types and many profusely-rotting undead. It was really really disgusting. People whose skin and limbs are coming off in bits really shouldn't lean over balconies. Yech.

Ok, maybe I don't want to go to sleep tonight, either.

Oh! I signed up for a summer class. "Cross-Cultural Awareness." It looks very interesting and our prof is quite a Character. Not sure what I think of all his views yet, but I definitely respect the hell out of the guy.

I have class tomorrow. Dlarggarnit, why can't I be tired already? Oh well-- more time for reading, I guess :)

Oh! And today I worked on developing an exercise set that can be done entirely while reading! Perhaps I should post about it over at bookaddiction . You don't get much more book-obsessed than that.

A quick review of some books that I don't think qualify for the Numbered List.

** "Richard Matheson's I Am Legend" (Graphic Novel) by Steve Niles and Elman Brown
I far prefer this interpretation to the movies, since it's much truer to the original book. In fact, it's almost more of an illustrated and shortened version of the novel than it is a graphic novel. I rather like the fact that it skirts that line between the media. Very realistic and compelling illustration style, too. I do have to check back with the original book, though-- I think the graphic version may have put a slightly more positive spin on the ending than what I remember from the novel.

A handful of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" titles-- both the old comic and the Season 8 ones. I much prefer Season 8, but even those are starting to slip, artistically, and to resemble to original characters less and less. Shame, that.

* "Serenity: Better Days" Definitely worth picking up, especially in the absence of the show coming back! I had trouble following the storyline, as I often do in graphic novels, but I enjoyed the artistic style and felt that the dialog was pretty true-to-character.


"The Lump of Coal" by Lemony Snicket. Another wonderfully droll little holiday story.

"Mrs. Katz and Tush" by Patricia Polacco. Charming picture book about a young Black boy who befriends an elderly Jewish lady. Highlights the similarities between the histories of their peoples.

"The Talented Clementine" by Sara Pennypacker. A very amusing follow-up to "Clementine," wherein Clementine does everything she can to avoid joining her class Talent show... and discovers her true abilities. Early chapter book, and downright hilarious.


More later.

{1148-1153}

Well, let's see if I can't knock a few YA novels off the list.


* 1148) "The Birds of Summer" by Zilpha Keatley Snyder

A beautiful story de-romanticizing drugs, and most likely written during the 70s or early 80s. The main character looks after her little sister and irresponsible hippy mother, realizing at last that in order to save those she loves, she has to take care of herself first. A very realistic and sobering story in many ways, but still with a thread of hope-- a bit like Cynthia Voigt's books.

This one left me thinking a lot about hippies and their portrayal in the media, because my mother seems to be very much the odd one out-- a hippy who never went overboard with it, never got sucked into drugs, etc. On the surface, my story resembles this book-- a socially isolated, fluid, nomadic and often whimsical childhood, a stay-at-home single mother, and so on... but with the crucial difference that my mother was self-sufficient in the way this mother isn't. Whatever my childhood lacked, neglect was never an issue!


* 1149) "The Soldiers of Halla" of J. D. MacHale

The Pendragon series has drawn at last to a close, and I confess I will miss it-- but really, the plot couldn't have been stretched out for much longer. The ending was sufficiently surprising, gripping, and satisfying, though it wasn't my favorite book in the series.


1150) "The Last Battle of the Icemark" by Stuart Hill

I assume this one, too, is the end of a series (a trilogy in this case). I couldn't quite get into this one as much as the previous two books. I felt it lacked the humor and cleverness of the first, and the mysteriousness of the second. I still read the last few chapters in a breathless hurry to find out what happened, but on the whole I was sorely disappointed by the whole thing. Must reread the first one, because it was marvelous.


1151) "Gossamer" by Lois Lowry

Not her best work, but she's never written anything /bad/. I liked this one for dealing, delicately, with some painful issues of childhood (one of the main characters is in the care of CPS and is believably conflicted about his family). The story follows a group of mystical creatures who bestow dreams, as they try to use their limited influence to keep this child-- among others-- from descending into fear and despair. Touching.


* 1152) "Stormbreaker" by Anthony Horowitz. Book one of the Alex Rider series.

Bond, Junior Bond. Well, not quite, but when Alex begins to look into his uncle's mysterious death, he finds himself in deeper danger than he'd ever imagined-- and working undercover for the British government! A sensible young man, Alex is not entirely thrilled with the idea of throwing himself in danger's path, but it may be his only chance to get justice for his family. A past-paced action-adventure story. Not as much fun as "Evil Genius," but still a good story.


** 1153) "The Last Olympian" by Rick Riordan

I can't believe how many series' are ending all at once!! Percy Jackson, I'm happy to say, went out with a bang-- the book is fast, furious, epic, and clever-- in short, it doesn't let the series down. I'm sorry it all had to end (although the ending strongly hints at the possibility of a follow-up series with a new set of main characters), but it did end well. Mythology is awesome stuff.

** 1147) "The Snow Leopard" by Peter Matthiesen (Matthiessen?)

I picked this book up because I figured it would be one of those naturalist books all about snow leopards. Instead, it turned out to be a physical and philosophical travelogue, the story of a man's journey into the depths of the Himalayas and Buddhism. Just wonderful. The language is at times dense, the writing often lacking in technical finesse, and the author/narrator himself is not always the easiest man to understand; still, I learned so much. I /felt/ so much. This book was Worth It.

(woddly_spinning , you ought to read this one-- it strikes me as right up your alley)

On to quotes:

"The Universe itself is the scripture of Zen, for which religion is no more and no less than the apprehension of the infinite in every moment." 35 ...I think I need to study this "religion" a bit more...

"Amazingly, we take for granted that instinct for survival, fear of death, must separate us from the happiness of pure and uninterpreted experience, in which body, mind, and nature are the same." 42

"...I already had what Kierkegarrd called 'the sickness of infinitude,' wandering from one path to another with no real recognition that I was embarked on a search, and scarcely a clue as to what I might be after. I only knew that at the bottom of each breath there was a hollow place that needed to be filled." 43 (oh haven't we all felt that way!)

" 'The undiscovered vein within us is a living part of the psyche; the classical Chinese philosophy names this interior way "Tao," and likens it to a flow of water that moves irresistibly toward its goal. To rest in Tao means fulfillment, wholeness, one's destination reached, one's mission done; the beginning, end, and perfect realization of the meaning of existence innate in all things' " -Jung (45). Ok, maybe I need to read some Jung, too.

Man is described as "this haunted animal that wastes most of a long and ghostly life wandering the future and the past on its hind legs, looking for meanings, only to see in the eyes of others of its kind that it must die." 57 (gave me shivers to read that-- so true)

"...scholars are less apt to be mistaken in small matters than in large ones..." 160 Ha!

"The secret of the mountains is that the mountains simply exist, as I do myself: the mountains exist simply, which I do not. The mountains have no 'meaning,' they /are/ meaning; the mountains /are/. The sun is round. I ring with life, and the mountains ring, and when I can hear it, there is a ringing that we share. I understand all this, not in my mind but in my heart, knowing how meaningless it is to try to capture what cannot be expressed, knowing that mere words will remain when I read it all again, another day." 212 And yet, when I read the chapter that ended with these words, I felt them ring in me.

"I love wild rocks, I covet them..." 247 Oh, me too!!

"With the wind and cold, a restlessness has come, and I find myself hoarding my last chocolate for the journey back across the mountains-- forever getting-ready-for-life instead of living it each day." 247

"Frustration at the paltriness of words drives me to write..." 248 I bet a lot of writers feel that way.

"Safe from the dogs and the night cold, my belly placated... I lie back in near-spiritual bliss. Why do I work so hard at mediation? Someone once said that God offers man the choice between repose and truth: he cannot have both. I have scarcely decided on a lifetime of repose when the dogs set up a terrific row, and everyone rushes forth into the night." 294

"...I am still beset by the same old lusts and ego and emotions, the endless nagging details and irritations-- that aching gap between what I know and what I am." 298 That's being human all right-- or at least, being a philosophical one.

Well, I think this is a good time for me to post this review!

** 1146) "Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? And Other Conversations About Race" by Beverly Daniel Tatum

Been meaning to read this book for years, ever since I first saw the title. Because, of course, I had that question myself once I went to college and was in a place with enough Black people to sit together at their own table(s). After all, there was only ever one Black kid in my class and she sat with the rest of us... wasn't that how it was supposed to work?

This book went above and beyond my hopes of addressing issues, explaining race relations, and telling stories to which I could relate. Among other things that hit close to home, Tatum talked about Jews as sort-of minorities, Jews feeling more Jewish than White but still having White Privilege (and this book is one of the few contexts where I've seen discussions of White Privilege that don't, frankly, make me grind my teeth), and the story of a woman who grew up completely sheltered from seeing prejudice, as I did, and the surprising drawbacks of such an upbringing.

Suffice it to say that it's an excellent book for anyone of any race who is interested in any way in race relations in America. I'll leave the rest of the convincing up to the quotes:

"As our nation becomes more diverse, we need to be able to communicate across racial and ethnic lines, but we seem increasingly less able to do so." xvi (Intro)

On privilege: "She could be late for meetings, and talk with her mouth full, fairly confident that these behaviours would not be attributed to the fact that she was White. She could express an opinion in a meeting or in print and not have it labeled the "white" viewpoint. In other words, she was more often than not viewed as an individual, rather than as a member of a racial group." (8) Best description I've read!

Linda James Myers "refers to two groups of people, those of acknowledged African descent and those of unacknowledged African descent..." (15) Cute! But apt...

"...where a person is a member of the dominant or advantaged social group, the category is usually not mentioned [in their self-description]. That element of their identity is so taken for granted by them that it goes without comment....  The parts of our identity that /do/ capture our attention are those that other people notice, and that reflect back to us." 21

On minorities choosing whether or not to try and "fit in" with the majority group: "The use of either strategy, attending very closely to the dominants or not attending at all, is costly to members of the targeted group. Not-learning may mean that there are needed skills which are not acquired. Attending closely to the dominant group may leave little time or energy to attend to one's self. Worse yet, the negative messages of the dominant group about the subordinate group may be internalized..." 26.

And just in case you don't read the book, Yes, it is a good thing that the Black kids sit together-- it helps them develop their own sense of racial identity and comfort with who they are.

"The young person whose racial identity development is out of sync with his or her peers often feels in an awkward position. Adolescents are notoriously egocentric and assume that their experience is the same as everyone else's." 67

"Those whose work or lifestyle places them in frequent contact with Whites are aware that their ability to 'make it' depends in large part on their ability and willingness to conform to those values and behaviors that have been legitimated by White culture." (84) Ouch.

Whites go through "racial development" too. Clayton Alderfer writes that in the final (ideal) step, " 'We have a more complete awareness of ourselves and of others to the degree that we neither negate the uniqueness of each person, regardless of that person's group memberships, nor deny the ever-present effects of group memberships for each individual.' " (112) I think that's kinda like what I was trying to say about acknowledging the "Black" in Black music, actually.

Lois Stalvey writes " 'We whites would have to be naive to expect that hundreds of years of humiliation can be forgotten the minute we wish it to be. At times, the most poignant part of the test [the social testing that Blacks do towards Whites] is that black people have enough trust left to give it. Testing implies that we might pass the test. It is easier and safer for a black person to turn his back on us. If he does not gamble on our sincerity, he cannot be hurt if we prove false. Testing shows an optimism I doubt I could duplicate it I were black.' " (105) Like I said, there's some serious food-for-thought in here.

Ooh, I hate this! I get all drowsy in the afternoon, and then I get all energetic and restless late at night when I should be winding down. It's a sort of existential restlessness, too-- wanting to Accomplish Things, to start art projects or write stories or just plain Do More with my life... none of which is a good idea right now what with all the practical stuff I need to do instead. And none of it is a good idea at 11 PM. Botheration.

Marriage, the proper Biblical way. Thank you barenakedrachel !!!!

There's so much stuff I need to get done! And yet, when I have a few spare brain cells, what I really want to do is write in my journal... bother. We'll have to see if I can't do some of both.

So I've come to realize lately that I really adore a lot of Black music particularly from the 70's and earlier. The other night at my bookstore, someone put a mix-CD on the overhead... and I spent the rest of the evening, as I was hanging out behind the register (which usually involves trying not to die of boredom), shaking my groove thing, lip-syncing along to James Brown, and boogeying along to songs like "Lady Marmalade."

One of our security guards, an older Black gentleman, was absolutely cracking up watching me. Finally he came over and asked, in his soft-spoken way, whether I'd even been born yet when most of these songs were made. I had to confess that I wasn't-- but it's still "my kind of music." Then again, so are the Beatles.

(Spider Robinson did bring up a disquieting question in one of his books about whether it's exploitative for White people to enjoy Black music, especially since most of that music is a direct product of the pain and anguish we've put Black people through over the years. While I see the point, and am concerned by the idea, I can't bring myself to feel guilty for appreciating such beautiful work. Art exists to be shared and loved-- that's why it's art. Wouldn't it be, in some ways, just as bad for me to refuse to listen to Black music at all?)

When I was shopping at a market the other day and they had on a similar playlist, I really had to notice how much I love this music. And my next thought was, why the hell can't I ever find a radio station that plays this stuff? I mean, the classic rock stations occasionally have a "Motown Night" or something, but there's no station that plays this regularly. You want Black music, there's Smooth Jazz or innumerable Rap/Hip-Hop stations. Neither of which particularly floats my boat.

I spent the next two days obsessed with starting up a radio station to play this stuff-- Radio Soul (yeah, don't even mention how wrong it would be for a White person to start a Black music station). Motown, R&B, Soul, Blues, some classic Jazz, a little Reggae, Big Band Swing, even some hip-hop... and I'd have to get someone other than me to throw in all the Gospel music on Sundays. It wouldn't be exclusively Black music-- I think we'd have some soulfull oldies, some folk music and bluegrass, a bit of classic rock-- but you know, all the stuff with /feeling/. I /want/ this radio station. And I bet it would be popular-- this style of music seems to be making a comeback.

Oddly enough, this morning as I was flipping through stations, I came upon a brand new one... and from the half-hour I listened to it, it's just about what the doctor ordered. They played: "Think," "Down on the Corner," "It Don't Come Easy," "Tell Me Something Good," "Layla" (I prefer the unplugged version, but oh well), and "How Sweet it Is (To Be Loved By You)." I was in heaven. And sang along to every one at the top of my voice. Sometimes you get lucky. A little bit of me regrets that I didn't get to make the radio station myself (the DJs I heard were White, btw), but then again, I know I wouldn't actually have been able to do it. So I'm just glad that someone else did.

So, June is the closest thing we get to normal summer around here.

It's lovely, in spite, or perhaps because, of the Gloom (marine layer= cloudy days). The days are warm but not hot, generally breezy, scatteringly overcast, and just a tad bit too cold for you to want to go swimming-- the kind of weather that makes for disappointing summer days elsewhere.

Here, we love it because we know that by July, the bugs will be out full force and by August the nights will be almost as hot as the scorching dry days. Now, it's perfect t-shirt weather during the day, and still comfortable at night if you throw on a long-sleeved shirt.

And best of all, the jasmine is in full bloom (both varieties), and you smell it in waves wherever you go. I love San Diego.

*** 1145) "The Center Cannot Hold: My Journey Through Madness" by Elyn Saks.

I cannot recommend this book highly enough, and it was a large part of my inspiration to write both my final paper and final speech this semester on mental illness. It's the story of a very bright woman who struggles with schizophrenia for many years before getting it under control... and then is nice enough to share her story with the rest of us. In fact, I don't know how else to recommend it except to give you some actual quotes. Oh, and you can see a speech of hers here: http://mylaw.usc.edu/blog/index.cfm

"...I'd been taught all my life: Intelligence, combined with discipline, could overcome any challenge. And mostly, that belief had served me well. The problem was, it assumed that the intelligence at hand was fully functioning, fully capable-- but I'd been told by experts that my brain had serious problems. Was my brain the same thing as my mind? Could I hang onto the one while conceding that there was a big flaw in the other?" (183-4)

On a similar note: "The fundamental flaw in all this, though, is that it neglects something intrinsic to the complex real world and to complex real human beings. In fact, it is /not/ necessarily true that everything can be conquered by willpower. There are forces of nature and circumstance that are beyond our control, let alone our understanding, and to insist on victory in the face of this, to accept nothing less, is just asking for a soul-pummeling. The simple truth is, not every fight can be won." (32) Yes, yes, and thank you, yes.


On the nature of psychosis:

"Philosophy and psychosis have more in common than many people (philosophers especially) might care to admit.... each is governed by very strict rules. The trick is to discover what those rules are, and in both cases, that inquiry takes place almost solely inside one's head." 40

"Psychosis is like an insidious infection that nevertheless leaves some of your faculties intact; in a psychiatric hospital, for example, even the most debilitated schizophrenic patients show up on time for meals, and they evacuate the ward when the fire alarm goes off." (98-99)

"Psychosis does traumatize you, much in the same way that ducking gunfire in a war zone or having a terrible car crash traumatizes you. And the best way to take away the power of trauma is to talk about what happened." (289)


On treatment:

"Stigma against mental illness is a scourge with many faces, and the medical community wears a number of those faces." (232)

On the vast and disturbing differences between the treatment she received in America and England (did you know they don't use restraints in England? They actually treat mental patients like, you know, people) "Part of the problem was that I was behaving like a patient in psychoanalysis. When Mrs. Jones and I were working together, I was encouraged to say exactly what was on my mind, always, no matter how crazy it sounded-- that was how analysis worked. That was the /point/. Otherwise, how would she know what was going on inside me? But the people at MU10 didn't want to know. If they couldn't tolerate what was in my head, why were any of them in this business? When my Scrambled thinking revealed itself, they put me in the hospital version of "time out' [restraints]. Where was the 'treatment' in this? Were they wanting to help me get better, or did they just want me to be socially appropriate?" (161)

"While medication had kept me alive, it had been psychoanalysis that had helped me find a life worth living." (298)

"This is a classic bind for psychiatric patients. They're struggling with thoughts of wanting to hurt themselves or others, and at the same time, they desperately need the help of those they're threatening to harm. The conundrum: Say what's on your mind and there'll be consequences; struggle to keep the delusions to yourself, and it's likely you won't get the help you need." (161-2)

"More than anything, I wanted to be healthy and whole; I wanted to exist in the world as my /authentic self/-- and I deeply believed that the drugs undermined that. And so I kept backing away from them, tinkering with the dosage, seeing how far I could go before I got burned. And of course, I got burned every time-- even in my denial, I knew that." (245)


on being defined by your illness "But if, as our society seemed to suggest, good health was partly mind over matter, what hope did someone with a broken mind have?" (255)

"'Crazy people' don't make the evening news for successfully managing their lives; we only hear about them when something horrible happens." (289)

Concluding quote:
"If you are a person with mental illness, the challenge is to find the life that's right for you. But in truth, isn't that the challenge for all of us, mentally ill or not?" (336)

{1140-44}

I've been so busy fussing over bookaddiction I've let my own book journal slide. Ok, I've also been crazybusy with life, work, and one very large dog, and oh yeah reading, but anyhoo...

Let's start with some sci-fi:


** 1140) "Second Contact" by Mike Resnick

"A Few Good Men"... in space. Yeah, that's basically the shape of it. The main character is hired to be lawyer to a starship captain who killed two of his crew members, claiming they were alien infiltrators... which they obviously weren't. But for some reason, everything related to the case is being kept hush-hush... why? The truth can be a dangerous thing, especially when you work for the military.


The Lilith's Brood trilogy, by Octavia Butler:

** 1141) "Dawn" -- book one, and my favorite, although the whole series is amazing.

Lilith awakes after WWIII to find out that she's been captured by aliens... and is one of the few survivoring members of the human race. The more advanced species that has captured them treats the humans like any endangered species-- to be cared for, studied, and perhaps saved... if possible. But their plan for saving the human race brings up some disquieting questions about the very nature of humanity itself. And if Lilith accepts their offer, will she be humanity's savior, or its traitor?

An incredibly creative, philosophical, and deep story, both intellectually and emotionally.

* 1142) "Adulthood Rights" --book two

...about which I have nothing particular to add other than the fact that for some reason, my subconscious keeps on mixing up "adulthood" and "adultery" in my mind.

** 1143) "Imago" --book three

And can I just say how much I long to be an Ooloi, a creature who can experience, study, and manipulate all kinds of organic chemistry including DNA itself? Hell-- talk about self-medication! Great quote from this one, too, which is told from the viewpoint of a non-human character.

"Humans said one thing with their bodies and another with their mouths and everyone had to spend time and energy figuring out what they really meant." 27


* 1144) "Cybermancy" by Kelly McCullough

Another fast-paced and creative Greek-mythology-based cyberpunk mystery. I enjoyed this one as much as the original "Webmage"-- and I don't know from computers! This is the "Percy Jackson" series-- for adults (and technogeeks).

So much to tell, so little time. Roommate is away. I am babysitting dog. While finally getting hours at work-- closing shifts, no less. Not good schedule for dogsitting. Funny stories about, will have to wait for later-- remind me.

Burdened under many undone errands and other important tasks, plus many bills which I cannot pay, or just barely. At least I got my monthly pills free from the nice nurse at Planned Parenthood. And she liked my name. Not that I technically need to be on the pill right now, but it does make the periods go easier.

My boyfriend had another nervous breakdown and lost yet another job, so no telling when we'll see each other again. Again. I got a parking ticket at work today-- cost me more to go there than to have stayed home. I cried, cause I'm PMSing and cry very easily. My manager slipped me a $20 to help with the ticket. I love him.

Oh! I invented a drink this evening. And I have a cool website to tell you about, later. I'll tell you how to make it (the drink, not the webstite).

Go to Vons and buy a can of frozen concentrte Hawaii's Own Guava Strawberry juice. Make the juice. Pour yourself half a glass of it. Add a shot of Blue Curacao (spelled with a little dangling thing on the  second "C"). The drink turns Navy Blue and tastes like a fruit salad on steroids. It is wonderful. And also apparently makes me silly and babbly online. Oh, I've missed you all. I look forward to a day when everything will slow down and I can catch up online. Only not too much slow because I need the money.

Back to dinner now. And books, and Baxter, which make my life liveable. Also sleep, soon. Tomorrow-- more dog adventures, a concert, and more work. With any luck, I'll have time to tell you some about it soon.

The power of positive thinking isn't always as positive as it seems. Link nabbed from morgansong 

(Caption edited due to comment)

Nice little satyric video about gay marriage, courtesy of uu_mom


I liked this one a lot too...

{1137-39} Adult novels.

** 1137) "A Day Late and A Dollar Short" by Terry McMillan

I confess, I've been eyeing this book for years on account of loving the title to death. But somehow, due in part to my reticence to read "real world" fiction, and in part to some disappointing experiences with other African-American fiction, I kept putting it off. Big mistake on my part.

This book swept me away. It opens from the viewpoint of a middle-aged woman wondering where her family has gone wrong-- her marriage has fallen apart and her grown children range from lay-about to overachiever; more importantly to her, none of them seem truly happy.

Then the book jumps from character to character, telling the stories of each family member in their own words (the author has a glorious talent for giving each character a distinctive "voice" without hitting you over the head with various dialects). And slowly, you gain a sense of each individual person and how they fit together as a family. Better still, they start to figure it out, too.

"Maybe /everybody/ is dysfunctional and God put us all in this mess so we can learn how to function.  To test us.  See what we can tolerate.  I don't know, but we don't seem to be doing such a hot job of it.  I guess we need to work harder at getting rid of that d-y-s part.  I just wish I had a clue where to start."  - Viola (probably one of my favorite quotes ever referencing the God I don't believe in)

"As a man, it makes you feel small when you know what your limitations are.  When you know you ain't lived up to your potential, when you ain't sure if you ever will." - Lewis

"I don't care what color she is.  But dumb is one color I don't like and have a hard time tolerating." - Paris (Thank you Paris!!)


1138) "The Screwtape Letters" by C. S. Lewis

I admit, it had its funny moments, and some excellent insights into human nature, but mostly this book just reminded me how happy I am not to be a Christian. Oh, for those of you who don't know, this book consists of the "advice" from a senior demon to a junior one on how to corrupt a man.

"...[a man] can practise self-examination for an hour without discovering any of those facts about himself which are perfectly clear to anyone who has ever lived in the same house with him..."

"In civilised life domestic hatred usually expresses itself by saying things which would appear quite harmless on paper (the /words/ are not offensive) but in such a voice, or at such a moment, that they are not far short of a blow in the face."

"In discussing any joint action, it becomes obligatory that A should argue in favor of B's supposed wishes and against his own, while B does the opposite. It is often impossible to find out either party's real wishes; with luck, they end by doing something that neither wants, while each feels a glow of self-righteousness... and a secret grudge against the other..." Oh dear god, that's my family in a nutshell.

"the Present is the point at which time touches eternity."

"Cowardice, alone of all vices, is purely painful-- horrible to anticipate, horrible to feel, horrible to remember; Hatred has its pleasures. It is therefore often the /compensation/ by which a frightened man reimburses himself for the miseries of Fear."


** 1139) "Cast in Shadow" by Michelle Sagara

Weirdly enough, I can't bring anything about this book to mind right now... except that it was a fantasy novel and I couldn't put it down. I don't think I've been so intensely into a fantasy novel since "Poison Study"... so why can't I bring the plot to mind? Can't wait to read the next one, though.

"Silences were barbed in unexpected ways; with words, you generally knew where the traps were." (p 202)

" 'History is our guide, it is not our friend. It is a passing stranger, one which shadows legend, sprinkling it with seeds of truth.' " -Tiamaris (p 483)

I have a new photo album up, from our Torrey Pines hike. Many of the pictures were snapshots that I took of plants for the purpose of identifying them, so they aren't as artistic as my usual offerings. In fact, apart from numbers 5 and 10-12, there's nothing worth looking at until photo 23, unless you want a lesson on San Diego botany. And if you /are/ obsessed with the local plants, as I am, I've also edited a few things I got wrong in my previous album.

Nice place to hike. Must remember to go back there. Also... it turns out I lied to myself. I do miss the seashore, after all.

Protect singing from Teh Gay!!! Thank you, naamah_darling 

The semester is officially over. Now I have the more difficult task of figuring out what the hell I'm doing for the summer. Oof.

On a major plus side, my appetite returned at the beginning of this week after being completely absent for a week and a half. It's both wonderful and slightly unnerving to go overnight from "I'd rather not finish my piece of toast, thanks" to "I shall eat everything that is not tied down!"... ok, maybe that's an exaggeration, but I've definitely been going back for seconds a lot this week. Om nom nom.

Had to wake up at godawful early yesterday to go in to work, where we were reorganizing everything. And not for the better. Remind me to rant later about shiny-officed MBAs who think they are oh-so-much smarter than all the people who have spent the last 10 years getting actual /experience/ working for the company. This company could save so much time and effort and money if the corporate office didn't think they were too good to actually listen to their employees. Rant later-- tired now.

At least I got my workout! It's amazing how sore your thighs get from moving books. (Not to mention, of course, hands, wrists, arms, back...)

The video's a little shaky, but these are some darn cute squirrels!! (Thank you conuly )

Summer has come to San Diego, and the Jacaranda trees are blossoming into clouds of lilac. Lovely. Also, I need to start.... er, lost train of thought. Something to do with not leaving chocolate lying around in this heat.

I have a sneaking suspicion that the medication may be making my muscle-pains worse, even as it gives me the internal strength to get up and do stuff in spite of them. There may be some other drawbacks, too. All the same... it's worth a week of pain for the amount of stuff I got accomplished last Tuesday and Wednesday alone. I always forget, until I experience it, what a relief it is to have days where Depression doesn't hold me down completely and stop me from accomplishing anything at all.  Maybe I just need a few days of physical and mental rest after that busy week. The medication sure isn't stopping me from sleeping anymore!!

I thought I could be more coherent and make this an interesting entry, but I can't. Going back to resting now. With any luck, I'll feel more alert in time for work tomorrow... or at the very least, for my finals on Tuesday.

You know your fridge is overdue for cleaning when you find a chunk of cheese that has grown so furry you're tempted to keep it as a pet.

Today is one of those days where my body desperately wants to do nothing except eat and sleep. Mostly sleep.  Sorry, body, we have to work this evening!!

So, I upped my dose a few days ago. And yesterday, for the first time in, like, months, I wasn't too drowsy to get through a day. Thank goodness, because this is finals week and also both of my jobs want me around for a chance, etc. I managed to get an amazing amount of stuff done, including the very scary, but ultimately very satisfying, task of going to meet the foster child I was assigned to. Yay for me!

I forgot, however, that the flip side of not being too tired during the day is not being too tired at night, either, and woke up around 2 AM to spend the next few hours tossing and turning. Maybe I'll have to cut back a little bit on the meds after all. But man it feels nice to wake up in the morning and have my eyes actually stay open, even if they feel slightly glued open at this point (is this what caffeine does for most people?)

Teetering a bit right now between go-getterishness and anxiety. Maybe I should try and take a nap today-- I do have to work this evening, after all. Maybe I should go eat breakfast, since I've been up and doing schoolwork for almost 4 hours now...

{1131-1136}


1131) "Spiral Hunt" by Margaret Ronald

Pretty good modern supernatural mystery, and won my heart for being set in Boston. Fans of Kat Richardson and C. E. Murphy may want to check this one out. Well-researched with some creative reuse of old myths.


** 1132) "Bellwether" by Connie Willis

Just brilliant-- I kinda wish I had the money to keep this one. A researcher studying trends finds her life perpetually turned upside-down by the same forces of fad and fashion that she is trying to explain. Witty, insightful, and occasionally uncannily realistic, this fantasy novel is definitely food for serious thought.


* 1133) "Last Watch" by Sergei Lukyanenko

Book four of the Watch series. Continues strong, but I think I need to sit down and read them all in a row, because there are so many plot details that carry over-- not to mention keeping track of all those complicated Russian names. Still, very imaginative and full of good mystery.


* 1134) "My Big Fat Supernatural Wedding" edited by P. N. Elrod

A seriously fun collection of romance-related fantasy stories, ranging from the sexy to the creepy to the downright hilarious. Stories by L. A. Banks, Jim Butcher, Rachel Caine, P. N. Elrod, Esther M. Friesner, Lori Handeland, Charlaine Harris, Sherrilyn Kenyon, and Susan Krinard. I quote from Esther Friesner's story, "The Wedding of Wylda Serene":

"There is no fortress more unassailable than the resolution of a heretofore submissive woman.  Such creatures take all the willpower they have deferred during a lifetime of obedience, compliance, and meekness, gather it into one titanic mass, and focus it like a laserbeam."


* 1135) "Enchantment Place" edited by Denise Little

Another very fun anthology, this time about the various shops of Enchantment Place-- essentially, a supernatural mall. Whether you're shopping for a familiar or trying to remove a hex from your business, this is the place to go... and things certainly get interesting in a place where a security breach can mean the end of the world as we know it. A surprisingly good group of authors turned out for this collection, making for some very fun reading.


* 1136) "Witch High" edited by Denise Little

Forget Hogwarts-- this is really what it's like to be a teenage witch. Again, an excellent group of fantasy writers takes on the challenge of exploring life within the walls of Salem High School, known to its otherworldly students as "Witch High." Enchanted classmates, magical proms, uncontrolled powers and teenage angst. Good stuff-- just don't ask me to teach there!

{1125-1130}


1125) * "Dragon Flight" by Jessica Day George

Sequel to "Dragon Slippers," and with the same cleverness and charm. Any dragon fans who are too young for Anne McCaffrey should be steered towards this series instead.


1126) "The Figure in the Shadows" by John Bellairs

Another good spooky mystery. I'm rather sad that I didn't discover this series as a child.


1127) * "The Invention of Hugo Cabret" by Brian Selznick

A wonderful historical novel, half graphic-novel and half traditional book, following a young French boy as he unwinds the mysteries behind a fantastic clockwork doll.


And by Megan Whalen Turner:

** 1128) "The Queen of Attolia" and 1129) "The King of Attolia"
Sequels to "The Thief," which I also reread. I like the sequels a tiny bit less for being in third-person, but I confess it does allow for a touch more intrigue. A marvelous series altogether. Fans of Llloyd Alexander in particular should check these out.

1130) ** "Instead of Three Wishes"
Turner's collection of marvelous fantasy short stories has only one flaw-- it's too short.

Of course, I finally get hours at work... now that finals are here. And I'm trying to make some progress as a CASA (my volunteer work). At least my stomach is finally feeling better. And I'm gradually increasing the dose of my antidepressants-- I just can't afford to be as "down" as I have been lately! I can haz century-long nap now plz?