queenlyzard

Damn, damn, double-god-damn, and various deities on pieces of snack food.

Over the flu. 

Still had an incredibly hard time dragging my ass out of bed this morning. 

Body still aches all over, that deep, pervasive muscle ache that had me repeating under my breath by the end of the day "dear god, please just make the pain go away."  Not a good sign when an atheist starts mouthing mantras like that.

I don't know why I find this so hard to endure.  The pain is not particularly intense-- it's just so relentless, so constant.  My female friends may understand when I say that it's like the muscle pain you get from menstrual cramps-- that lower-back ache that spreads all the way down your legs, and you don't even realize it's there until you sit down for a moment and the sudden relief makes you aware that you've been subconsciously bracing yourself, teeth gritted against the tension, for hours.

(Sorry, men, I don't have as good a metaphor for you.  It's a little bit like the day after you've worked out /way/ too heavily, and your muscles feel simultaneously taut and spaghetti-weak, and you fear they may give out on you at any second.  Also, stretching both makes the pain more intense and feels very good, but only offers a few moments of relief. 

(It's also a bit like the muscle soreness you get with the flu, in that it's all over, or moves from arms to legs to neck to back to abdomen without warning or reason.  And, like flu pain, it is relatively mild but very annoying, and does not go away if you exercise more or something, the way normal muscle pain would.)

And the overall effect is that I feel like I've spent the day trying to do my job with little lead weights hanging all over my body like leeches.

Perhaps the Zoloft is not working so well after all.  This is one of the symptoms it's supposed to be treating, and today it was worse than I've had it in weeks.

Tomorrow I'm going to try stuffing myself with ephedrine and painkillers.  If I can even talk myself into getting out of bed.  All I want to do right now is lie perfectly still, somewhere warm.  Forever.  Even typing is making my arms ache.

If you need me, I'll be hiding under a blanket.